SURVIVOR

For a long time, survival was enough.

There were chapters of my life when getting through the day, making it to the next appointment, staying sober, adapting to illness or disability, finding my way through grief, or simply remaining present required nearly all of my attention.

In those moments, survival was not a small thing.

It was necessary.

But eventually I began to understand that surviving and living are not the same thing.

Survival kept me here.

Living asked what I wanted to do with being here.

That question changed something.

I became less interested in proving that I had survived and more interested in what kind of life I wanted to build within the circumstances that remained.

I also became uncomfortable with the idea that being a survivor meant I was required to be permanently strong, grateful, inspirational, or triumphant.

Survival can include fear, anger, exhaustion, humor, uncertainty, relief, grief, and joy.

Sometimes all at once.

I can honor what I survived without allowing it to become my only identity.

The deeper work, for me, has been learning how to live beyond survival without denying it.

Survival was necessary.

But it was only the beginning.